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December 7, 2005

Chia Cat Grass

For the first time in a long time I watched some NFL on Sunday and I saw a couple of amusing commercials. The first was some sleeping pill that has a side effect that ‘may cause drowsiness’. What are they trying to say, if you take this product you may become drowsy but you still won’t be unable to fall asleep. Or are they saying you can take these pills and they might make you sleepy or they may not. Actual the whole product is really just a placebo and they'll just take the suckers as they come. Either way this is absolutely unacceptable, this drug should be pulled from the market until they can safely say, ‘this product will cause unconsciousness’.

By far my favorite was Chia Cat Grass. It’s Grass, and it’s for your cat...to eat. People why don’t you own this already? Don’t know why you should get one for your cat, here are the listed benefits.

Provides essential vitamins and folic acids
- Well that sounds good, but c’mon Fruit Loops have 8 essential vitamins and folic acid and I’m pretty sure they’ll rot your teeth right out of your head in no time.

Aides in digestions by increasing roughage
- Ha ha roughage! I’ve always found that word funny. Nothing's worse than seeing a cat walking around with turtle head poking out.

Assists in removing hairballs
- I’m not following the logic here. Does eating the grass cut down on a cat’s hairball production? Are you supposed to turn it upside down and use the grass like a broom and it ‘assists’ you in sweeping it up. Or does the cat just cough up a hair ball in the grass and it’s a case of out-of-sight, out-of-mind.

Keeps cats away from hazardous houseplants
- Okay I’ll give you that one but if your cat’s developed an unhealthy relationship with the cactus in the corner you’re just going to have to accept the fact that your cat is not long for this world.

Organic and pesticide free
- Organic and pesticide free, that’s not really a benefit so much as it is a good idea when you’re selling something an animal is going to eat.

Satisfies their natural cravings for grass
- Are you saying that all cats are potheads? That would explain why my cat is always insisting we watch Spaceballs and eat brownies.

Helps freshen breath
- In my opinion any animal that has the ability to lick its own genitals should posses the ability to use a toothbrush. Why don't I ever get calls from those telemarketers, "Hello Mr. Bannon we're currently raising funds for research that would genetically alter animals so that they can brush their own teeth. Would you be interested in making a donation?" Hell yes!

Posted by hypnobee at December 7, 2005 6:00 AM


Ok this was a pretty good post... up to when you talked about "your cat"...

YOU DONT HAVE A CAT!!! and if you did it would surely not be inside watching T.V. and eating brownies... You know as well as me it would be in your shed, eating what ever it could find to make it until spring..

"Your cat"... who you trying to fool...

Posted by: Dart at December 7, 2005 9:22 AM

You caught me, I don’t have a cat but I thought I’d through it in there just because it was funny.

You’re right my cat wouldn’t be living inside but I wouldn’t keep it cooped up inside my tiny little shed, although if I did there’s enough grass clippings in there for it to live off of for 10 years.

Posted by: hypnobee at December 7, 2005 10:10 AM

I also thought you had no cat. I assumed you meant the ones that live wild in your parents backyard.

Posted by: God at December 8, 2005 8:35 AM

Not only do I not have a cat, I don't have a copy of Spaceballs either. It's also very rare to see me eating brownies as well.

If you're going to lie...you gotta go big!

Posted by: hypnobee at December 8, 2005 8:42 AM