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October 21, 2005

I'm gonna bust a cap in that pig's ass

Diane Johnson of Florida found a bullet in her pork loin roast she bought from Publix. It's unclear how the bullet got in the pig or how it wasn't detected before being put on the shelves.

Here's how I think it happened. I'm guessing since pig's are gassed and not shot this rules out a slaughter house stray. The pig was originally from Wisconsin so it's not likely it was victim of a drive by shooting or the work of some bored drunk teens.

That only leaves one possible explanation, botched suicide attempt by the pig. Pigs are very smart and this pig probably had figured out it's final destination long before it was scheduled. Using prize money accumulated by touring the county fair pig racing circuit, the pig was able to purchase a fire arm from a no questions asked gun dealer but lacking opposable thumbs which are essential to operating a fire arm effectively the overall goal resulted in failure with only a minor flesh wound.

But how did the bullet stuffed roast land on the shelves?

All meat is scanned with a metal detector before reaching Publix shelves, said Dwaine Stevens, spokesman for the company in Florida.

I wonder what Publix's metal detectors are set at, that it wouldn't detect a bullet. Comparatively speaking a bullet is a fair size piece of metal in a roast. I'm guessing that they had to turn down the sensitivity because the mercury filled fish kept setting it off.


Posted by hypnobee at October 21, 2005 2:56 PM


Here's what happened...

The hogs (thats what we call them in the meat processing world) are gassed or electrically shocked... this does not kill them it only stuns them. If they are not stuck in the neck in time they will wake up, by this time they are hanging upside down by one leg. They go crazy, just like you would if you were to wake up tomorrow and were hanging next to a bunch of people with blood gushing from their necks. Anyways now you have to stick them while they are swinging all over the place, screaming like a pig from deliverance. Some slaugter houses will keep a gun on hand for just in case this happens. They fire a shot or two into their head to slow them down, and only to slow them down cause their skulls are 1/2" thick. I guess this operator was a bad shot and missed or glanced a shot off the hog into its ass (roast). Now as far as the metal detector goes, it is probably the same as most plants, only for show and not working. The woman should have considered her self lucky that it was a bullet and not the tip of the razor shart knife that some times break off during the cut up of the hog... happy eating, why else would your parents make you chew each piece 10 times... the meat is mush by 5.. the 5 extra is to find nails, bolts, and bullets.

Posted by: Dart at October 21, 2005 4:15 PM